So now that I

For the first time I have bought pregnancy test where I hope it will be positive! It feels great. And alone. This should probably do with eachother. Or so I wish it was that I did this for the love of a man and that we were two about it.
But now it is not so, and then I get to see what I have instead of focusing on what is missing. I've actually right so much that is good. And so I have decided that I do not have time to wait for my great love, he will come when he will. I want to have children, it is now in force, and even now there are of course no guarantees. I am well aware of it.
So now that I've decided to test tomorrow, although I am on the RD 11 just then, I feel a little bit, a little nervous, but mostly prepared for a negative reply. And I'm actually not sure I'm prepared for a positive response. It may sound odd after all I had been through and all the years that I thought about this with infertility and fertility. But from the time I've decided it has gone very quickly - and good. I am very, very grateful for that. But quite ready, I can not say that I am. Yet I feel you I wish it positive, hoarding but it's almost like I can not imagine that it even can be. My odds are so bad. But you never know. Miracles can happen ...
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